How To Ask A Loved One To Officiate Your Wedding

Choosing your officiant for your wedding can sometimes feel like an impossible task. In your mind, you have a dream friend or relative that you want to officiate, but they’ve never done it before and you’re scared to ask.  Or, maybe,  you’re not scared to ask, but you just have no idea how to ask. 

Whatever your situation might be, I know this is something that comes up a lot, so I’ve put this blog post together to guide you through the process of asking your dream officiant to officiate your wedding! 

STEP ONE - Identifying what you can leverage

Are you considering asking a loved one to officiate your wedding? Not every officiant is for every couple, and not every ceremony is right for every officiant. Your loved ones know you in a way that a professional officiant may not and you might prefer to be more hands-on planning your ceremony details with someone you’re already comfortable with. If you’re looking for the perfect fit from your existing community, here are some folks you might consider.

Who is this dream officiant of yours?
A relative?
New Friend?
Life long friend?
Family friend? 

This gives basis on what you can leverage when asking them to officiate your wedding. If they’re your college roommate from the time in your life you met your partner and you’ve kept in touch, make it clear that they’ve played an important role in your single life and relationship. They likely have some great context to provide. If you’re asking a sibling who you’ve always looked up to, frame your request from this perspective and share what their support and role modeling has meant to the two of you.

STEP TWO - Identify if this person would truly make a good officiant before you ask 

This is important because you want to consider the likelihood of getting a yes out of them. If your dream officiant is a someone who is terrified to talk in front of a crowd, they might not be comfortable officiating your ceremony. Another layer of picking the right person to articulate your union, is to check your gut on how collaborative they’ll be. Maybe your cousin is a perfect fit, outgoing and comfortable speaking to groups. But will he insist on telling that story about your ex? When you do choose whom to ask, be clear on your expectations and boundaries or be open to the carte Blanche script they may write.

Have you seen them speak in public before? Do you trust them to perform?

STEP THREE - Prepare to ask them 

In preparation of asking your dream person to be your officiant, there are a few more things you want to consider. Think about the type of ceremony you’re planning to have - traditional or unconventional? Think about the role you want your officiant to play in the wedding ceremony - what are your expectations?

Will you invite your officiant to join the wedding party festivities? This can be a great way to get them comfortable and excited but set clear boundaries if you have any doubts about their ability to party (read: slam white claws on the party bus) and perform.

To help you out in preparing to ask your dream person to officiate your wedding and to make it easier for you, here’s a sample script for asking. You can tweak it from email to be a phone call, text or DM: 

**************************************************************************************************************
Hi Friend,

Partner and I are SO excited for our upcoming wedding and we can’t wait to see you there. As we’ve worked through the planning process, we’ve been thinking about what our dream wedding ceremony looks like. Would you be open to officiating our wedding ceremony? You’ve been such an integral part in our story and it would mean the world to us to have you by our side on our big day.

Let’s connect soon [for a coffee, dinner, video call] and chat if you’re willing.

Love,
Partner & Partner

**************************************************************************************************************

STEP FOUR - Pop the question! 

Asking someone to officiate your wedding is a big deal and you don’t want to take it lightly. You want to make sure that you’re going to have the ceremony of your dreams and that whoever officiates adds to the experience. 

Want to elevate the experience of your potential officiant? Ask them out to their favorite restaurant, send a care package in the mail with your request or hire a celebrity on Cameo to pop the question for you!

Bonus points if you offer your officiant a consultation from Something Profound Weddings. Your dream officiant is just 60 minutes away from being educated and empowered in their new role as officiant.

Now, take these notes, prepare your script, and go ask your dream officiant to officiate your wedding!

And after you ask, DM me on Instagram and let me know how it went!! I can’t wait to hear from you! 

Cover photo by Joshua Harrison. Written in partnership with Becky Feigin